Zombies and UNICEF: aka, Conversations with an almost six year old

My new job has me getting up pretty early now. I’ve been a nocturnal person for pretty much my whole life, and I was concerned this was going to be difficult. Throw in a Buzzsaw in kindergarten, and I was pretty sure this was going to be as messy and as challenging as me cooking dinner. But I am LOVING my new career, and my Buzzsaw is quite the morning person. Regardless of when he actually falls asleep, he pretty much jumps up out of bed ready to go. My parents had to threaten me within in an inch of my life just to get an eyelid half raised. Buzzsaw is ready for the Indy 500 hundred five minutes after he wakes up. We still have mini battles to get him dressed, but at least it’s because he’s happy and being silly, and not because he wants to sleep just a little bit more.

My commute home in the evenings has drastically reduced our evening family time. So my mornings getting him ready and driving him to before-school care, and our evening whirlwinds are times that I cherish. And boy does he make the most of them for me! The phrase ” kids say the darnedest things” is not an overused cliche. Sometimes Buzzsaw takes it to a whole new level for me. Today was one of those times. Not only do I never know what is going to come out of his brain, I also never know how the endless variety of topics will string together.

His before school care and the commuter lot that I park in are less than three miles from home; but morning traffic usually makes it at least a ten minute drive. This morning as I’m mentally trying to influence the flow of traffic and the changing of the lights I hear him babbling something about getting fired. My brain pauses it’s telekinetic attempts and switches to mommy-mode : “What?!? Why would you say something like that? I just started my job, I’m not going to get fired!”
” I don’t know what that means” is his reply.
I want to respond as realistically and truthfully as possible, while remaining age appropriate, so I explain how people get fired all sorts of reasons; such as not doing their work correctly, not listening ( that’s an on going battle with an almost six-year-old), being mean to people, and not being on time, etc.
Buzzsaw comes back with, “and guns?” “Yes” I reply, ” you don’t bring guns to work.”
“There’s a sign?”, he asks; “yes there is a sign that says ‘no guns'” I reply.
“What if there’s a zombie?”
“Buzzsaw, there are no zombies at my work. Zombies are only on tv and in video games, they aren’t real.”
“They’re in movies.”
“Okay, yes, they’re in movies, tv shows, video games and books. But they aren’t in reality”
“Zombies walk in graveyards. . .”
“Buzzsaw, there aren’t any graveyards at my work.”
“But what if a zombie walks really far?”
“Well then I would have to worry about shooting zombies at work.”

What a great way to start the day! I can still vividly remember the time when he wasn’t even saying “gaga” yet; I was looking into his face and memorizing the expression on his face as I thought,” man, I cannot wait to hear how your brain works. I cannot wait to hear how you process things!” He has yet to disappoint me.

I guess he decided to end the day with a bang for me. I was coming downstairs and heading to the kitchen when he started talking to me from the living room. His “Gree” ( his name for my mother-in-law) had left the tv on, and apparently something caught his attention:
“Kids are facing death.”
“What?!?”
“Kids are facing death. Don’t you know what that means?”
Keeping a bland expression and a neutral tone of voice ( because I want to know where the hell this is going) I calmly ask him, “Where did you learn about that?”
He points to the tv and tells me, “It was on here. It’s gone now, it’s back on the show,”
I walk down to the living room and pick up the remote to rewind and see what-the-hell had put dying children in his brain. . .
A UNICEF commercial. A UNICEF commercial with Alyssa Milano guilty the viewing audience into donating ” just 50 cents a day” to help a starving child get the care that they need. THAT’S what got my Buzzsaw telling me that “children are facing death.”

I began my day explaining that zombies aren’t real, and ended my day explaining that dying and starving children are real.

I really don’t even know how to end this post. But I am now looking at only 4 hours of sleep tonight and so I must end it. Because I really love my new job and I would really hate to screw it up because of zombies and dying children.

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About goddessofglitter

I like to laugh
This entry was posted in adventures in parenting, Buzz Notes, family, humor, i like tv, so what?, i never said i was normal, life's whispers, suburban houselife and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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